I'm going through the mess with my parents now who waited until their health failed them and now I must empty the house and move them to senior living. 47 years of stuff I don't want. Here's the thing, six years ago I lost EVERYTHING in a wildfire. Back then, I needed things but my mother refused to give them to me. So I bought new ones. Now, I actually love having empty closets and cabinets. I love not having much stuff. I replaced what was necessary and honestly, I don't miss a thing that I lost. It wasn't me. That stuff wasn't even my memories. So I no longer have a need for stuff and I know this attachment y'all have to your stuff is nothing. It could burn one disastrous night and within a few years, no one will remember it.
I literally have three large tubs of Fransiscan Desert Rose China in my barn. It belonged to my mother in law and her daughters did not want it. I did not want it but I couldn’t part with it for fear a granddaughter might want it. I really need to ask if anyone wants it and if not, sell it and take everyone out to dinner!
When my grandmother died she had an enormous bell collection. We sat them on a table at her service and announced that anyone who would like one as a momento to remember her by to please feel free to take one.
She also had a small set of China. There are close to 30 grandchildren.
We sat it out at a family gathering and asked that anyone who had a sentimental attachment to take a piece.
Interesting how the younger generation can get something so completely wrong, we really dropped the ball on education.
The paintings, the furniture, the china, the carpets, they are not a spleen, or an attempt to show of, they are not for you, the next generation. They where and are building blocks of multi generational wealth, the attempt to form a family with roots.
Ich benutze mein gutes Geschirr. Ich habe besagte Frage schon einmal beantwortet und das war kein angenehmes Gespräch. Damit es meinem Kind später mal nicht so geht, sage ich immer, was ich als nächstes ausmiste und warum ich der Meinung bin, dass es weg kann.
Da höre ich manchmal ganz erstaunliche Nachfragen oder auch einfach mal ein gut, mach das.
Ich habe diese Frage auch schon einmal beantwortet und mich dafür entschieden, meinen Eltern zu erklären, warum etwas bestimmtes und die Esszimmereinrichtung aus Eiche mit Tisch und 12 unbequemen Stühlen nicht. Ich kam mir vor wie ein Verbrecher. Daher habe ich an meinem 50.Geburtsrag beschlossen, dass Sammelsurium an Geschirr in die Polterabendkiste zu stecken und von nun an mein eigenes, gutes Geschirr zu benutzen. Im Moment muss mein Kind diese Frage nicht beantworten und damit das nicht so wird wie bei mir, sprechen wir darüber
und ich erzähle, was ich als Nächstes ausmiste und warum. Dann höre ich manchmal:" Gut, dass du das machst, ich wüsste gar nicht wo ich anfangen sollte" und manchmal auch" aber nicht das Fotoalbum aus deiner Kindheit, dass ich mir immer so gern angesehen habe."
My own tastes over the years have gone through stages. In my early 20’s (the ‘60’s), I was all about sleek and modern and thought my mom’s things were too fussy. In the ‘70’s I warmed up to “vintage”. But by the ‘90’s, when my mom passed away, I had come to appreciate the beauty of my mom’s silver and crystal and some other things from my growing up years. And I was absolutely thrilled to open up a box of china that had been a wedding gift to my grandmother, and another box of china that was my mom’s during the early years of her marriage. I absolutely treasure these things for their sentimental value, their beauty and because of the place they hold in my history. My point is, chances are, the answer to the question put to your 20-something-yr-old might be very different than the answer you would get when she is 50-plus. I think asking the question is a great idea, but I only have one son and daughter-in-law to ask now. However, I have six grandsons ages 9 to 21. So I also plan to box up a few special things for my grandsons’ wives to go through just in case they might discover some treasures of their own. I have ordered the guide you wrote because I know I will need help with the process! Thank you for passing on the wisdom you have learned.
We didn't have much money when I was growing up, so my parents have upgraded all of the items that held my childhood memories, to better stuff that they could really use and enjoy in their empty nest. The table is bigger. The couch is comfier. Last year my mother asked me to think about anything I might want from that house, and I knew exactly what I want; some of the books, and her sewing box. The other things are part of their lives that had nothing to do with me.
This an important post. I've been reading the comments as well, and it's interesting to read comments from young people. It's very possible that our children don't want most of our possessions, but our grandchildren might. Of course, saving items for this eventuality will depend on one's age and if the grandchildren are old enough to make this decision. I know that I've saved more items from my grandmother than from my own parents. I'm 70 years old and my grandaughter is three. So, perhaps if I live another twenty years I will be able to ask her. And on the subject of Swedish death cleaning, I wrote about this recently.
I cleared out my Mom's house this year... and I could hear her in my head...you don't want to keep that? Heartbreaking, but no, Mom. I'm sorry. I took your photo albums to go through later, and kept that 1960s classic dish that you served olives and pickles and watermelon rind in. That's it.
I completely understand the author’s intent here. It makes sense. I have one of those cabinets full of china that we felt we needed to have at the time of our wedding. It’s rarely used and if my kids don’t want it someday, that is fine with me.
But my grandmother had a “hope chest” a long low one she kept at the foot of her bed. It was special to her and she kept offering it to me. Finally, after a few no’s, I said yes and we kept it in our first apartment holding all those china pieces we rarely used.
Fast forward to our first house and we finally had a China cabinet to put all those china pieces in but no room for the chest. So into storage it went holding all the boxes for the China.
Even further down the road, my husband and I kept looking for a media console to put under our tv. Could never find one until one day my husband suggested using the hope chest! He refinished it and stained it black. It was perfect. I loved that we were able to repurpose something that was so special to my grandma, who I had a very close relationship with. So you never know. Those offered pieces could have special meaning at a later date. 😊
A few years ago my husband died and I had to clean out our house mostly by myself. I gave away an amazing variety of things to charities and listed for free porch pickup on FB free page. Sold a little, took only my grandmother's walnut art deco dining room set from the 1930s. I use it for storage in my two-room apartment now. It was appraised for $8000 thirty years ago. I made my daughter promise to take it, use it or sell it, just please don't put it out in the rain on the curb! I kept nothing from my parents, they didn't have anything of interest and anything valuable, I sold....in my own house, we bought a dozen nicely framed prints. (spent almost $1000). Picasso, Dali, O'Keefe, many others, and blow ups of photos we took. I put out a 'please come and give these a good home', and off they went. Plus a box of fine china, a gift, place settings for twenty - yes, twenty - we never once used...It's only stuff, the world is drowning in stuff. But my grandma's beautiful little dining room set has always tugged at my heart. I hope after I'm gone it's treasured and appreciated.
That dining set is more than furniture. It holds your grandmother, your history, and the one thing that still feels worth carrying forward. I hope your daughter treasures it too!
I wish like hell someone would offer me some beautiful china, silver and crystal!
I'm going through the mess with my parents now who waited until their health failed them and now I must empty the house and move them to senior living. 47 years of stuff I don't want. Here's the thing, six years ago I lost EVERYTHING in a wildfire. Back then, I needed things but my mother refused to give them to me. So I bought new ones. Now, I actually love having empty closets and cabinets. I love not having much stuff. I replaced what was necessary and honestly, I don't miss a thing that I lost. It wasn't me. That stuff wasn't even my memories. So I no longer have a need for stuff and I know this attachment y'all have to your stuff is nothing. It could burn one disastrous night and within a few years, no one will remember it.
I literally have three large tubs of Fransiscan Desert Rose China in my barn. It belonged to my mother in law and her daughters did not want it. I did not want it but I couldn’t part with it for fear a granddaughter might want it. I really need to ask if anyone wants it and if not, sell it and take everyone out to dinner!
When my grandmother died she had an enormous bell collection. We sat them on a table at her service and announced that anyone who would like one as a momento to remember her by to please feel free to take one.
She also had a small set of China. There are close to 30 grandchildren.
We sat it out at a family gathering and asked that anyone who had a sentimental attachment to take a piece.
No pressure in either situation
Interesting how the younger generation can get something so completely wrong, we really dropped the ball on education.
The paintings, the furniture, the china, the carpets, they are not a spleen, or an attempt to show of, they are not for you, the next generation. They where and are building blocks of multi generational wealth, the attempt to form a family with roots.
I've been giving cuttings of houseplants to my children.
Ich benutze mein gutes Geschirr. Ich habe besagte Frage schon einmal beantwortet und das war kein angenehmes Gespräch. Damit es meinem Kind später mal nicht so geht, sage ich immer, was ich als nächstes ausmiste und warum ich der Meinung bin, dass es weg kann.
Da höre ich manchmal ganz erstaunliche Nachfragen oder auch einfach mal ein gut, mach das.
Ich habe diese Frage auch schon einmal beantwortet und mich dafür entschieden, meinen Eltern zu erklären, warum etwas bestimmtes und die Esszimmereinrichtung aus Eiche mit Tisch und 12 unbequemen Stühlen nicht. Ich kam mir vor wie ein Verbrecher. Daher habe ich an meinem 50.Geburtsrag beschlossen, dass Sammelsurium an Geschirr in die Polterabendkiste zu stecken und von nun an mein eigenes, gutes Geschirr zu benutzen. Im Moment muss mein Kind diese Frage nicht beantworten und damit das nicht so wird wie bei mir, sprechen wir darüber
und ich erzähle, was ich als Nächstes ausmiste und warum. Dann höre ich manchmal:" Gut, dass du das machst, ich wüsste gar nicht wo ich anfangen sollte" und manchmal auch" aber nicht das Fotoalbum aus deiner Kindheit, dass ich mir immer so gern angesehen habe."
My own tastes over the years have gone through stages. In my early 20’s (the ‘60’s), I was all about sleek and modern and thought my mom’s things were too fussy. In the ‘70’s I warmed up to “vintage”. But by the ‘90’s, when my mom passed away, I had come to appreciate the beauty of my mom’s silver and crystal and some other things from my growing up years. And I was absolutely thrilled to open up a box of china that had been a wedding gift to my grandmother, and another box of china that was my mom’s during the early years of her marriage. I absolutely treasure these things for their sentimental value, their beauty and because of the place they hold in my history. My point is, chances are, the answer to the question put to your 20-something-yr-old might be very different than the answer you would get when she is 50-plus. I think asking the question is a great idea, but I only have one son and daughter-in-law to ask now. However, I have six grandsons ages 9 to 21. So I also plan to box up a few special things for my grandsons’ wives to go through just in case they might discover some treasures of their own. I have ordered the guide you wrote because I know I will need help with the process! Thank you for passing on the wisdom you have learned.
We didn't have much money when I was growing up, so my parents have upgraded all of the items that held my childhood memories, to better stuff that they could really use and enjoy in their empty nest. The table is bigger. The couch is comfier. Last year my mother asked me to think about anything I might want from that house, and I knew exactly what I want; some of the books, and her sewing box. The other things are part of their lives that had nothing to do with me.
Thank you for writing about this. It is an important conversation
This an important post. I've been reading the comments as well, and it's interesting to read comments from young people. It's very possible that our children don't want most of our possessions, but our grandchildren might. Of course, saving items for this eventuality will depend on one's age and if the grandchildren are old enough to make this decision. I know that I've saved more items from my grandmother than from my own parents. I'm 70 years old and my grandaughter is three. So, perhaps if I live another twenty years I will be able to ask her. And on the subject of Swedish death cleaning, I wrote about this recently.
https://crowsfeetlifeasweage.substack.com/p/swedish-death-cleaning-is-missing
I cleared out my Mom's house this year... and I could hear her in my head...you don't want to keep that? Heartbreaking, but no, Mom. I'm sorry. I took your photo albums to go through later, and kept that 1960s classic dish that you served olives and pickles and watermelon rind in. That's it.
This made me tear up. Hits home on so many levels.
I truly thought I would pass it down.
I completely understand the author’s intent here. It makes sense. I have one of those cabinets full of china that we felt we needed to have at the time of our wedding. It’s rarely used and if my kids don’t want it someday, that is fine with me.
But my grandmother had a “hope chest” a long low one she kept at the foot of her bed. It was special to her and she kept offering it to me. Finally, after a few no’s, I said yes and we kept it in our first apartment holding all those china pieces we rarely used.
Fast forward to our first house and we finally had a China cabinet to put all those china pieces in but no room for the chest. So into storage it went holding all the boxes for the China.
Even further down the road, my husband and I kept looking for a media console to put under our tv. Could never find one until one day my husband suggested using the hope chest! He refinished it and stained it black. It was perfect. I loved that we were able to repurpose something that was so special to my grandma, who I had a very close relationship with. So you never know. Those offered pieces could have special meaning at a later date. 😊
I love this. Sometimes it’s not about keeping the item exactly as it was, but finding a new way for it to stay part of your life. ❤️
A few years ago my husband died and I had to clean out our house mostly by myself. I gave away an amazing variety of things to charities and listed for free porch pickup on FB free page. Sold a little, took only my grandmother's walnut art deco dining room set from the 1930s. I use it for storage in my two-room apartment now. It was appraised for $8000 thirty years ago. I made my daughter promise to take it, use it or sell it, just please don't put it out in the rain on the curb! I kept nothing from my parents, they didn't have anything of interest and anything valuable, I sold....in my own house, we bought a dozen nicely framed prints. (spent almost $1000). Picasso, Dali, O'Keefe, many others, and blow ups of photos we took. I put out a 'please come and give these a good home', and off they went. Plus a box of fine china, a gift, place settings for twenty - yes, twenty - we never once used...It's only stuff, the world is drowning in stuff. But my grandma's beautiful little dining room set has always tugged at my heart. I hope after I'm gone it's treasured and appreciated.
That dining set is more than furniture. It holds your grandmother, your history, and the one thing that still feels worth carrying forward. I hope your daughter treasures it too!